Feral Feelings: Moving Away from Burnout

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Image by Amber Autumn Leaves Huntsman  [/caption]

Dear Feral Feelings,

I am at the peak of burnout, and I don’t know what to do. I’m between careers at the moment- I have one foot in my old career and one foot in the new one. I can’t leave my old job, I have bills to pay. And if I don’t put effort into my new job, I’ll be stuck at the old one forever. This means I’m working constantly. I’m sick of hearing people tell me to rest, that really isn’t an option if I want to advance my career and create real stability for myself. Please, offer me some guidance better than “practice self-care”.

-Burnt Out Bitch

Happy Spring Equinox, BOB. For us in the northern hemisphere blessed with a sizable bit of land, this is the time of year to tend our gardens. We finally clear out our garden beds from the winter rot and delight in planting starts, sowing new seeds, and watching our overwintered crops push new leaves toward the warm light of the spring sun. We till, compost and enrich the beds for the flowing seasons to come. We nurture new life.

In my garden, the garlic is shooting up, the tulips are blooming, clover is sprouting, and comfrey- the queen of my garden, is beginning to crown next to the budding yarrow. Of all the plants in my garden, it is Comfrey I have come to adore the very most. She is resilient, tenacious, and persistent. If you cut her, she’ll come back stronger. Her leaves are coarse, her flowers are delicate, and her medicinal properties are powerful. Once she has set her vigorous roots down, she’ll spread all over the land and become difficult to eradicate. A farmer friend said to me recently, “Once you plant comfrey, you’ll always have comfrey. You can’t get rid of her.” Comfrey is truly a marvel of productivity, giving herself freely for several seasons. But, even Comfrey, in all her vigor, cannot produce all year. She burns out, and for at least one season, she is absent from my garden.

I’m sure you can see where I am trying to guide you, BOB- in the direction of rest and self-care. Obnoxious, yes, but give me a moment to clarify my perspective on those overwrought concepts. When I suggest rest, I don’t mean doing less. I mean do more. And when I suggest self-care, I don’t mean make yourself feel better. I mean let yourself feel everything.

In my experience working with exhausted, overworked humans for the last 20 years, doing less and feeling better is not always an option. The advice to do less can be useless, invalidating, and insulting. Try telling a working single mother to do less and see how far you get. Chances are, she’ll shut you down, or worse- she will shut down and internalize a sense of failure or defeat. And concepts of self-care, so intertwined with capitalism, can make relief feel far away, unattainable, and expensive.

In an ideal world, none of us would have to work so hard and so long to get ahead. We live in a highly inequitable culture, and if you don’t inherit wealth, you’ll likely be working until you die. Life is hard, and the hardness of it is not softened by telling burnt-out people that if they just lay down and light an aromatherapy candle, all will be well in the world. So, then, why would I suggest doing more? And why would I suggest feeling even more? How could that possibly be helpful?

In 2021, I was facing a wall of burnout similar to what you describe- working continuously to get ahead with no end in sight. When I was done with work for the day, I couldn’t unwind. I would think about work constantly. My unpaid hours were spent sitting, looking at a screen, and ruminating. Or sitting and talking about my stress. Or sitting and ignoring my stress.

I didn’t want to move around, that would be doing more and I’d already done enough. And I didn’t want to cry, that would make me feel worse and I deserved to feel better. To cry and express myself made me feel like I was a mess, so I kept a lid on self expressions that felt messy.  I would try to keep it all together so I wouldn’t burn out. But I always burnt out anyway.

My therapist at the time recommended I read Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, and it truly changed the way I approach coping with stress. Author Emily Nagoski dives into the way the body processes stress and how many of our coping strategies to relieve stress undermine our ability to truly recover. She makes a distinction between the stressor, work, for example, and stress, the way you feel when you are not working. Animals in the wild, when stressed, will move through a stress response cycle- shaking, running, moving the stress through their bodies to find a sense of calm and safety. Nagoski writes,

“Just because you've dealt with a stressor, that doesn't mean you have dealt with the stress itself. You have to deal with the stress to complete the circle. Physical activity is the single most efficient strategy for completing the cycle. Even if it's just jumping up and down or a good old cry”

Though I can’t know exactly how you are coping with your stress, BOB, I am willing to bet you find yourself immobilized at times, and I imagine you are keeping emotion at bay so you can keep going. Though inevitable and understandable, sitting still and keeping your emotions locked in thought will not help burnout. I think these are the areas- your ability to move your body and express emotion, to direct action towards to reduce stress.

I will not tell you to quit one of your jobs, but I am going to suggest that when you are done working, you dance. You shake. You yell. You sway and rock and flow. You cry if tears are waiting and laugh if it rises within you. Let yourself crawl on the floor like an animal. Act strange enough to let your logical, productive mind sit down. And this emotive, expressive action need not take a lot of time, formality, or structure.

Feel into whatever movement your body might want to make, slowly if needed, in conjunction with how you feel. What movement you make doesn’t matter, so long as it feels right to you. You spread your movement and emotion all over your home like Comfrey, digging roots in a new way of being. Start small with your self-expression and let the practice build, just like the Comfrey when she comes back in the spring- one small leaf at a time.

The garden of your emotion needs tending, and your nervous system needs a way to discharge. If you give your body and your heart the kind of effort and dedication you give to your career, your consistent efforts will return a harvest of relief to get you through this season.

Amber Autumn Leaves Huntsman is a psychotherapist, poet, and Hedgewitch haunting our local beaches and estuaries.

Do you have a problem that you think Feral Feelings could answer? Send them to feralfeelings@jeffcobeacon.com