Meet That Nice HR Lady

It occurs to me, as I walk through the office carrying a sheet cake and a potluck sign-up form for the break room, that I’ve been hearing a lot of whispered, “Shhh. Don’t tell HR.” Or worse: “Oooooh. You should tell HR.”

People tend to think HR’s job is either throwing pizza parties on Fridays, or coming down hard at the behest of “the man.” Or worse, we’re the company counselors—we’re trained, but not as licensed mental health professionals. But both of these miss the truth in the messy middle.

HR pros often see people on their worst days—the day a family member dies and they need leave, or the day someone breaks their arm and needs accommodations. And often on their best ones, too—the day someone’s promoted and is starting a new position, or the day a baby is born, and someone heads out on family leave. Believe it or not, most of us care deeply about humans. We believe in worker rights, employer responsibilities and workplaces that function without somebody crying in the walk-in freezer every shift.

It’s hard being human. The world is hard right now. Add small-town dynamics, the impact work has on our daily lives and businesses that don't have dedicated HR support, and things can get wobbly fast. Sometimes off-kilter, and sometimes downright problematic. 

I’ve spent many years with my nose buried deep in employment law, and engaged in more difficult conversations than I care to count. So many years that I can practically smell the “adverse action” and “compensatory and punitive damages” from roughly 3 miles away.  

During those formative years, I learned that most people don't need or want someone to fix everything for them, or to provide all the answers. That can be pretty annoying, actually—ahem, are you paying attention, Pat in Finance?  Rather, they need someone to tell them that asking questions isn’t out of line. That it might not be normal that your boss texts at 9 a.m. Sunday while you’re eating your waffles. Maybe it’s not legal to ask you to punch in after you put your chef’s jacket on. And to answer the question: Is Pat in Finance actually mad at you, or does Pat just have that face? 

Be honest. Raise your hand if you’re reading this from a bathroom stall, where you’re hiding out before your next meeting. Know I’m here with tissues, practical guidance, reality checks and—in emergencies—the secret office chocolate stash.

Frankly, workplaces function better when people are treated like humans. And for you employers out there still hoping the phrase “we’re a family here” is an inspiring workplace motto (hello, exploitative dynamic that can be used to justify unpaid overtime, suppress wages, and normalize toxic behavior), I’ll be offering guidance for you, too. Because once we know better, we really should do better. 

So if you have questions about bosses, confusing policies, accommodations, favoritism, bullying, or those strange workplace dynamics we’re all apparently supposed to intuit from Pat in Finance’s side-eye alone, drop me a line at thatniceHRlady@jeffcobeacon.com 

Questions will be printed anonymously, with identifying details removed to protect both the innocent and the locally recognizable business across from the convenience store with the good taquitos.

As a teaser, here’s your first HR hint: 

Did you know that in Washington state, if you've worked an average of 16 hours a week at any job during the qualifying period—which is usually the previous year—you may be eligible for up to 12 weeks of paid medical or family leave?

Even if you started your current job yesterday. Even if you're currently unemployed.

Let your boss know that you might need some time to deal with human things, and apply directly to the state at https://paidleave.wa.gov/individuals-and-families/

Oh. And we know you downloaded that episode of Real Housewives on your work computer. We always know. 

So let’s start asking questions: what’s up with Pat from Finance? Is that questionable new pay policy even legal? What’s with those “safety evacuation” boxes in the closet that nobody knows about? And really—what’s that strange smell emanating from the break room microwave? Can’t wait to hear from you—this is going to be fun. I promise. 

Sincerely,

That Nice HR Lady, Not-a-lawyer, just your friendly neighborhood liability prevention specialist