Mysterious Piper Agrees to Fund Rec Center

PORT TOWNSEND- "When you ask the community for help, you never know what kind of help you'll get," County Commissioner Greg Brotherton said, adding, "The generosity of this relative stranger has been incredible."

When the county announced that it would need to close the Port Townsend Community Center to help balance its overextended budget, it also asked community members to chip into a fund to help keep it and its invaluable services available to the public. What they didn't expect was for former pest control specialist Jelca Hamelin to step in and offer to fund the entire rec center.

"All she wanted in exchange was to run a youth music program! How could we say no to this win-win situation?" Brotherton asked. When reminded that the county had previously been in litigation with Hamelin over their refusal to pay her rodent extermination bill, Brotherton demurred. "Clearly, that's all water under the bridge," Brotherton said, before hastily clarifying that he meant a normal bridge, not the one in Hadlock with the troll under it.

Hamelin was reluctant to speak with the Beacon. "I don't think it's anyone's business what I do with the children once I have them," she said in her heavy German accent. "Where I'm from, a deal is a deal, and the county seems not to be interested in what happens to rats or children after it signs on the dotted line." Hamelin shrugged before picking up her pipe and dancing down Water Street, the sounds of small feet joining her as she went.

This article was published April 1, and will resume being completely farce by noon